Saturday, January 12, 2008

Joke of the Day - Politics in a BAR

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

"That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

Friday, January 04, 2008

Ray Owens Joke of The Day

The Ray Owens Joke of the Day website is one you might want to visit. Today's feature joke is: "The Top 15 Signs You've Lived With a Mathematician Too Long"

His cute habit of converting every number to base seven is really starting to annoy you, because he insists on doing it 33 hours a day, 10 days a week!

He has his graduate students working on reconciling your irreconcilable differences.

The first thing you think of when you see her bend over is isosceles.

Ask him how much he loves you and he responds, "Ok...assuming that love can be expressed as a derivative of existence, which we'll call 'Z', and desire is a convergence subset of physical beauty in the Heisenberg 'observ

During sex, all she does is complain about the "dynamic coefficient of friction."

You only celebrate Fibonacci sequence anniversaries.

You wanted a really bad-ass tattoo, and were momentarily torn between a bleeding skull and a portrait of Gauss.

Your husband unexpectedly comes home early from work and enters your bedroom just in time to see a man run into the closet; when he opens it, two men dash for the front door, knocking him over. He looks at you and says, "You know, if I were to enter the closet now, it would be empty again."

He almost has you convinced that the more negatives in your relationship, the greater the absolute value.

"If you shut off your spreadsheets at 1:30 AM heading towards the bedroom at 5 MPH, and I've gone to sleep at 12:00 AM after another session with my vibrator, what are the odds that you're getting any?"

When you ask where he's been all night, he refers you to the previous excuse which has already been accepted as a proof.

Every time you talk about your ex, your lover feels compelled to solve him.

Using only the Transitive Property, the Corresponding Angles Postulate, the Angle Addition Assumption, and the Angle Congruence Theorem, you're pretty sure you've successfully argued yourself into a three-way.

During a romantic candlelight dinner, you accept his polynomial ring.

You went along with naming the kids Euclid, Archimedes, and Newton, but there's no way in hell you're going to yell for a dog named "Immanuel Fuchs."

Visit the Ray Owens Joke of the Day Web Site by Clicking HERE

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Joke of the Day - President Bush and Sex

Much has already been published about the sexual preferences and notorious behavior of former President Clinton.

However, little has been reported on the sexual practices of the current Commander-in-Chief. It has recently been learned that the President and Mrs. Bush only make love with Laura Bush on top since George W. Bush can only f**k up.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Joke of the Day - WIll he Jump? Blonde Joke

Our joke of the Day today is a Blonde joke:

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Square Dance jokes

Square Dance Joke 1:

How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eight. Square dancers do everything in groups of eight!

Square Dance Joke 2:


Up With The Petticoat,
Down With The Pants.
In With The Pecker,
Everybody Dance.

Girls With Rags On,
Up Against The Walls.
Guys With A Hard On,
Promenade The Halls.

Girls Grab Your Partners
Firmly By The Balls.
Drag Him Down The
Length Of The Halls.

Make Him Holler,
Make Him Shout.
Put Your Pretty Ass
Up Against His Snout

First Lady Go
Second Lady Pass
Third Lady's Finger
Up The Fourth Guy's Ass

Finger Out
Promenade The Halls
Now Release The
Poor Guy's Balls

Then Down With The Petticoat
Up With The Pants
This Is The End Of
The New Square Dance!

Joke of the Day - How Many Sheeps do I Have?

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,
"if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try.
"Your a blonde! Now give me back my dog."