Square Dance jokes

Square Dance Joke 1:

How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eight. Square dancers do everything in groups of eight!

Square Dance Joke 2:

THE NEW SQUARE DANCE

Up With The Petticoat,
Down With The Pants.
In With The Pecker,
Everybody Dance.

Girls With Rags On,
Up Against The Walls.
Guys With A Hard On,
Promenade The Halls.

Girls Grab Your Partners
Firmly By The Balls.
Drag Him Down The
Length Of The Halls.

Make Him Holler,
Make Him Shout.
Put Your Pretty Ass
Up Against His Snout

First Lady Go
Second Lady Pass
Third Lady's Finger
Up The Fourth Guy's Ass

Finger Out
Promenade The Halls
Now Release The
Poor Guy's Balls

Then Down With The Petticoat
Up With The Pants
This Is The End Of
The New Square Dance!

Looking Good Joke

This was labeled as a looking good joke and appeared on Craiglist. It is under the form of a letter:

Dear Good-looking guys,

Thanks for ruining things for us average-looking guys. You, like all men, will tag pretty much anything female. So you go out to bars and other social venues and you go for the low-hanging fruit. You go for the average-looking girl. Why? Because they are easy and don't give you half the shit that hot women give.

So what's the big deal? The big deal is that average girls don't know their place anymore. They suddenly think that they are hot just because they have been banged by a hot guy. They are wrong, and they do not know it. We average guys, however, do know it. We know that the average girl -- in the long term -- is out of your league. We know that she is in our league, the league of the average. But she does not know that.

So the average girl goes on thinking she is hot and holding out for a hot guy to spend the rest of her life with. Yes, it's great for the ego of the average girl. She bangs a hot guy every now and then, and she really thinks she is the shit. No one told her, though, that any guy (hot or not) will bang any average girl. Sadly, the average women develop this "I'll never settle" mentality. Average guys are suddenly not an option for them, leaving us average guys out in the cold. The genuine hot girls, of course, are not an option for us, so that leaves us with the fat chicks. Thanks. Thanks a lot, hot guy. Meanwhile, the really hot chicks are sitting around dissing us and waiting for you to come talk to them. (And we can only imagine the torture that the fat guys are going through as we average guys are forced to mack on their women.)

So do the social scene a favor -- stick with your own kind. Leave the average girls to us, and stop creating delusions of grandeur in their minds. The average chick is our niche. We work hard enough as it is for the average girl. Now you go work hard to bag the hot chick. Don't be afraid of a little work.

The Young Businessman

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Funny Clips

A montage of funny clips glued in one movie. Except to the one with the bull I thought all are pretty funny!

Funny1 - More amazing videos are a click away

National Poetry Contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination-Timbuktu.
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three whores in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu.