Friday, July 06, 2007

You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling When

* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a "USA! USA!" chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn't "play with the big
boys," and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember Sting's last public words.
* If on a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown."
* If you quit your Job because you have to find your "Smile."
* When you're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that
with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
* If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is
distracting him.
* When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
* When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
* When you rack your neighbor's dog.
* When you attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when 'Pomp and
Circumstance' plays.
* When you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you
think your best line of attack is putting the Tongan death grip on him.
* When you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days if you
* When you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public.
* When you win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on it.
* When you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.
* When you begin to shake someone's hand in public but then hesitate to look
for the crowd's response.
* When you do heel turns on your best friends for no reason.
* If whenever you walk into a party you tell them to "cut the music."
* When anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mike" and yell,
* When you die you mustache blond while leaving your beard black.
* If you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches.
* After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and then
after you raise both yours and your friend's arms in the air, as he looks to the
side, you clothesline him.
* If you wonder why Bob Backlund's campaign for the presidency never got any
* If you carry a foreign object in your underwear.
* When you go into work you insult everyone you see just to draw heat.
* If you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game.
* If you loose a job, you change your look and name before starting a new
* If you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn.
* When before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a kid.
* When you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just lost a Casket
* When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.
* If you paint your face and don't speak to your co-workers
* If you get into an argument with a friend at work and challenge him to
a loser must retire match.
* When you see a fight in the streets and call the moves.
* If at a ceremony at your work to give out awards to the employee of the
year, you "turn" and slam a chair across the recipient of the award's
head...then you immediately grab the mic and start talking about how YOU
deserved the award.
* If you wondered why Vince didn't borrow money from Ted DiBiase to
prevent WCW from "buying" its wrestlers.
* You refer to everyone you talk to as "brother."
* Your children are named Crippler, Hitman, and Hollywood.
* You get hoarse on purpose so you can sound like the Macho Man.
* You hold a wrestling tournament for an aluminum foil belt.
* You get kicked off the school wrestling team for choke slamming your
* You cried when the Giant went nWo.
* You took bagpipe lessons just so you could play Roddy Piper's theme music.
* You get in fights with people who say wrestling is fake.
* You fenced in your bed, so it feels like being in a steel cage.
* After your parents ground you for a week, you refer to them as "heels."
* You dress your dog up as a "Hulkamaniac."
* You use the phrase "Too Sweet" more than 45 times daily.
* You try to impress your friends by telling them Bobby Heenan jokes.
* You think "No Holds Barred" should win an Oscar.
* Your greatest accomplishment in life is mastering the sleeper hold.
* You roped in your backyard and you get together with friends to throw chairs
* You requested "3:16" as your new license plate.
* You think a tilt-a-whirl looks fun.
* You put white-out on the faces of your action figures, and then draw black
marks on their faces.
* You give crotch chops to the opposing team during a softball game.
* You light your bed on fire and fight your brother in it.
* Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and
walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
* You leapfrog over people while playing football, then you turn around and
clothesline them.
* You publish a shirt that say's, "Jay Leno 1-0 Who's Next?"
* Every time you sit down at a table you consider how easily it might break if
you were to moonsault it.
* After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back.
* You chokeslam your cat.
* You elbow smash your dog and turn him/her over for the three counts.
* Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
* When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace."
* You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
* You walk down the aisle at a church giving high fives as the people hold up
signs and chant your name.
* You won't come out of your room until your parents play your theme on the

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